The Beginning

How it all began:

First, I would like to say I never realized the road I was going down and where it would eventually lead to. As a disclosure, I would like to inform you that I am not going to be preachy and dictate how to run your own life. Some things just do not work for me. People should be able to live the lives the way they want.

When I was in high school, I did the "normal" things kids did, for example, go to parties and indulge in excess. There were always good times and bad, along with regrets at the time. I graduated and got into a good university so everything was fine and working out the way they should. Then I hit college. For the first few years, the taste of freedom was liberating and I was able to do whatever I wanted and enjoyed it. However, I ended up getting carried away and forgot why I was in school in the first place.

I started to drink more and more and my need to satisfy that edge got more intense. That's where I progressed to harder substances just to get out of reality. Pretty soon, I was not the same person I was even a few months prior. Again, I did not realize it because, well, it was the college life and it was the thing to do.


Just a little background from my earlier years:

When I was in middle school, I lost my father due to these reasons. I never thought I would ever get to a point such as that. Not that he was a bad person, because he was always there and still provided as any respectable parent would. He just was more self destructive and I guess that laid dormant in my mind until later on in life. I had to grow up a little quicker and thankfully I had support from the few remaining family members I had, which I am completely grateful now looking back.


Now, back to college. During this time, I had great friends and relationships which I was lucky to have. I then started to realize I was going a little bit harder than everyone else because I always needed more. I would use the excuse of picking out a certain person and saying, "well, at least I'm not as bad as him/her." This is not the mentality to have because everyone has a different limit. Skipping class and getting loaded was the norm and then it started to hit when others would lightly confront me about it. By then, it was my lifestyle. My emotions became all over the place and it was a hit or miss when it would get out of control which ultimately became regrettable at times. It contributed to the destruction of relationships which I wish could have continued. This led to using multiple medications for anxiety and depression.

Now combining them with drinking does not mix. This is when my health began to suffer. When I was 21, I had a seizure caused by mixing these substances and it greatly affected my brain. I told myself that I would not drink anymore and focus on moving on with my life. That was easier said than done. I slowly made excuses or reasons to justify that I could still drink. I think deep down I knew I had a problem, but I thought since I was young, my body could handle it.  Little did I know, everything was just building up until I reached my late 20's. Since that seizure, I had multiple jobs, some good, some bad. There were times of unemployment which did not help my problem one bit. I was not the person I wanted to be and it affected my girlfriend and my other relationships. I was hiding my drinking from everyone because it became a way to get through the day.

Then I had many events happen all at once. In one month, I was laid off from my job, my grandmother passed away and my relationship was ending. I was just sinking and did not care about anything and eventually hit rock bottom. I was just drinking all day just to pass the time and feel numb.

One day I decided to quit completely and the withdrawals were too intense to bare. I was feeling the worst I have felt in my entire life. So now I started to drink again to ease the withdrawals. This brought me right back to where I was and it became a vicious circle. I tried to go to AA meetings and I guess it wasn't for me because I still relapsed. Then I tried other professionals to reach out to and it did help for a bit. However, the real way I pulled myself out of this dark hole was because after the last few relapses, the withdrawals got more serious and life threatening. I was afraid to even sleep because I was afraid I would not wake up. For me, it was an awakening and I knew I was going to die if i didn't change for good. I thought about all the friends and family who tried their best to be there for me and I figured out that it was up to me to change. They could only do so much. There is no magical cure and you have to really dig deep down and realize there is a way out as long as your committed.

I had to hit my personal rock bottom to come to this realization. My hope is that nobody should feel this low and let your life get to this point to realize that you could get better. I came up with random things to do to get myself out of my apartment while looking for employment. I never thought I could feel this way because my mind has been so clouded for over 10 years. Life should not be taken for granted because you never know what could happen.

I am not a professional or a doctor so do not think I know whats best for everyone. I am sharing my story because this is just what I personally went through and maybe there are others that share these same experiences. My goal is to let others with similar issues that you are not alone and there is always room for a second chance.

For me, my second act in life started early.

Thank you for reading and I encourage anyone to ask questions or leave comments!

About my blog!

Welcome to a new start!

Hello! 

   This is the first time I ever created a blog, mainly because I did not have a meaningful purpose or message to send. The idea behind this, is to hopefully help or inspire others who have gone through difficult times and struggles to get the strength to persevere and overcome these obstacles. 
   Most of my life, I have struggled with addictions, illness and other issues that many people go through all the time. I would like to start out by saying that i currently have overcome these obstacles with use of various resources and ideas that worked specifically for me. By sharing my experiences, I hope some of you will realize there is hope and ways to overcome anything and make the best out of life.
   In the next few days, I will come up with a schedule where I will be publishing new posts and get everything up and running. I am more than happy to receive feedback or answer any questions you may have! 

See you soon!